In for a Penny – In for a Pound
Ever wonder about the price of having a pee these days? Or more to the
point ensuring that you have the right change when that massive urge
totally overtakes you and you just ‘have to go’.
 Having
a pee in Europe these days has become an exercise in ingenuity not to
mention an increasingly expensive experience. Aside from airports where
countries seem to realise it is advisable to let people go about their
ablutions before boarding a plane, the rest of the land seems to take
great delight in ensuring that loos are either invisible, too filthy to
use or require extraordinary combinations of currency to unlock their
much needed facilities. Take Germany – a country known for its
influx of tourists especially during season when it can range from
hundreds of thousands to the Oktoberfest in Munich ( just mention the
word beer and people start needing a pee) to those spending their hard
earned savings on travel from one railway station to another in search
of that perfect destination and holiday. Railway stations in
Germany seem to delight in making the mere fact of having a pee, a feat
all on its own. At the main station in Munich you have a choice of
facilities. On the south side of the station – facilities are available
at 80c for women and 50c for men. Exact change is required and if not
you then either have to cross your legs and keep on walking honey
alternatively pray that the change machine is working and it will
disgorge the necessary coins. On the north side of the station is the
supremely efficient Mr Clean brand of toilet facilities where at €1.10
(and whoever came up with the bright idea of that extra 10cents needs to
be shot) for the ladies and €1 for the men you have access to super
clean loos which joy of all joys has room to take your suitcase. Lets
face it – travellers generally have a case, or a computer bag, or a
sports bag and in the northern climes sometimes a pair of skis…. Though
where you are supposed to put the skis while you pee is has always
puzzled me…. Of course sometimes travellers have all of these items and
with the ongoing standard warnings of not leaving your luggage
unattended, one presumably is meant to take all one’s belongings into
the said cubicle with one. Unless of course you decide to cough up
€5 to store your luggage in the left luggage locker while you go and pee
(but remember they don’t take skis/skate boards/parachutes etc) The Mr
Clean franchise is without doubt a winner and has taken Germany by storm
– It works well at a price. Of course during shops hours ( and remember
in many parts of Europe none are open on Sundays) you can generally find
a department store with a loo hidden in a totally inaccessible,
invisible location, tucked round the corner, at the back, up 4 flights
of stairs and with only two available. Guarding it outside will be a
sour faced person who generally doesn’t speak the language of the
country and the ability to glower at you with such disdain that if you
don’t leave a ‘token’ payment in their saucer that you are in danger of
being strangled by the loo paper during next visit. The question of how
much money to leave in the sauce has also long been a topic of
discussion. Is 20c sufficient or €1 too much? It would appear that 50c
is the norm but there has been more than one unsuspecting person who on
rattling their pockets or purse, find themselves either with no change
or forced to put a €2 coin in the saucer for their much needed pee.
I have yet to see paper notes placed in the saucer but doubtless in
years to come this could become a reality.
Public toilets are for those with strong constitutions who deem it
necessary to use them despite the consequences. Some may be spotlessly
clean and joy of joys Europe is slowly getting there although there are
places in France and in particular Paris that should have health warning
signs hung outside the doors to warn the unsuspecting. In Germany a 50c
coin will usually gain you access to a public loo – in more and more
tourist destinations now, public loos are found with these self cleaning
facilities that spray water out of the walls, down the loos and over you
if you happen to move your bod in the wrong direction before having made
your exit. Fortunately you do not need to pay here for the privilege of
having water sprayed over you – it’s free.
During a recent trip where I kept a list of expenses I found myself
adding a column into the obligatory Excel spreadsheet for ‘loos’. In one
instance I found I had paid €5 in a day just to use ‘facilities’ at
various train stations, department stores and public loos. So next time
you are planning your budget for that happy holiday in Europe, remember
add in that column for P2P (Pay to Pee) and yes ensure you always have
plenty of €1, 50c and 10c coins….
Tackling
the European Train
Travel by train is either a pleasure or a nightmare depending on your
point of view. Considered by many to be the
ultimateway to sit back, relax and escape the tedious hassles of airport
security, it can provide not just a functional way of getting from a to
b but also one that brings unexpected delights and surprises along the
way.
Perhaps the most challenging part of train travel can be deciding what
route to travel and in what class… Simple you might think, but the
reality can be quite different. As one who has become accustomed to and
somewhat spoilt by the punctuality and professionalism of Deutsche Bahn,
my expectations were seriously shattered during a recent trip cross
border from Munich to Milan. The reason for my trip had been caused due
to an unexpected bout of serious hay fever that hit sinuses in such a
fashion that even contemplating the plane journey was a negative.
Enquiring at the Munich main station regarding a train ticket I
discovered that the train journey would take only a little longer than
by plane, due to the fact I would be going central city to central city
and able to walk easily to my hotel upon arrival in Milano. A taxi ride
from the airport would have set me back a cool €80 and the alternative
by coach and metro would mean interminable lugging of cases from buses
to trains to shuttles. The latter definitely held no appeal since I knew
I would have copious amount of papers upon my return. Imagine my
delight therefore when I was told that the first class return train
ticket to Milan would cost less than second class. Were my ears
deceiving me? I checked with cashier and no, he was adamant, it was a
special and hence the price. I naively presumed that due to the
fact I was travelling on a Saturday and returning mid week at mid day
that they wished to fill up their first class carriages. I proudly
told my family, I had scored a coup with the price and set off looking
forward to my 7 hour journey (with one change in Verona). Imagine my
dismay therefore upon discovering at the Munich main station that I was
not to board a smart Deutsche Bahn train but a filthy looking Italian
one, where it seemed unlikely the windows had been cleaned for the past
several months. No matter I thought and boldly strolled on.
First class turned out to be the old fashioned compartment type where
three of you sit staring at three people opposite. Not a decent sized
table in sight and you needed to be Superman himself to hoist your
suitcase into the overhead luggage racks. Getting it down without
assistance would also put one in severe danger of one’s entire being
disappearing under the weight of the predictably overpacked luggage.
With one little window and a decidedly suspect ventilation system I
realised the five hour journey to Verona might prove to be somewhat
different. Nestled snugly in my middle seat (elbows in), bag tucked
under the legs and laptop precariously balanced on the lap, I attempted
to bury myself in work mode and ignore the elderly lady opposite who
decided fresh air was not permissible and it would much more fun to have
a stuffy carriage with all ventilation options firmly closed or switched
off.
In such close proximity to one’s neighbour it is difficult not to
observe or become part of the conversation that invariably takes place
sometimes in 3 or 4 languages with wild hand signals in an attempt to
get one’s message across. Highlights of the journey included a saunter
along to the restaurant car, that resembled a carriage from an ancient
theatre set with crumbs on the table, a weary looking Italian attendant
and a dog eared menu. The waiter who bore more than a passing
resemblance both in attitude and personality to ‘Fawlty Towers’ Manuel
was keen to show willing. His offerings included spaghetti with a couple
of different toppings (better not to ask too much) or his special
of stale sandwiches or what tasted like two day old croissants.
Everything was produced with a flourish and a smile and even the
cappuccino in its plastic beaker was worthy of a flash of the teeth and
a smile. A couple behind me had settled in for a few hours worth of card
games but perhaps their wisdom in recognising that you had more chance
of seeing out of the picture windows in the buffet car than in the
filthy 1st class compartments was not misplaced! Upon
returning to my compartment I discovered a new couple had arrived with
luggage that took up two further seats and the man resembled a wild west
cowboy complete with chewed up cigar stuck firmly to his lips. It was to
stay there for the duration of the journey and was not even removed
during the downing of the essential espresso. As all Italian trains
have been designated non smoking areas, it was interesting to note that
the ticket inspector was clearly not concerned – perhaps since the cigar
was not lit but merely chewed on constantly this was considered
acceptable. After two hours of cigar stenched carriage I was more than
ready to alight for the change at Verona!
Changing at Verona revealed a further surprise - This Italian
train had an IC (Intercity carriage) – 2nd class. It
was distinctly more upmarket to its previous 1st class
relative and offered spacious seats, fold out tables, loads of areas for
luggage between the seats and at the end of compartments plus a cheerful
waiter with a refreshment trolley that offered distinctly more enticing
goodies than the buffet car on the tired EC train.
Sitting back and watching the countryside pass by is always a good way
to educate oneself about a country – you get to see the good
(farmhouses, old villas, fields full of poppies and mountainous scenery)
with the bad (factories alongside the railway line, built up commercial
estates and the long approach into Milano central station)
Of course if work, Manuel or cigar chewing locals aren’t your scene you
can resort to the one way of ensuring that life passes you by – a snooze
– just don’t sleep through your stop and find you have to start all over
again
More info:
www.bahn.de
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